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North Carolina custody mediation · Complete guide for parents When parents in North Carolina cannot agree about custody, the court does not go straight to a trial. It sends them to mediation first. This guide walks through the free court custody mediation program step by step, explains how private custody mediation differs, sets out the law that sits behind every parenting plan, and shows how to prepare so the time is well spent for your child. I mediate custody disputes for families around Lake Norman, Charlotte and Stanly County. A mediator is neutral, so nothing here is advice to one side. The statutes, court rules and cases below are linked to their sources. Key takeaways
Why North Carolina sends custody disputes to mediation firstMany parents expect a custody case to begin in front of a judge. In North Carolina it usually begins with a conversation. Under G.S. 50-13.1(b), whenever a case involves a contested issue of custody or visitation of a minor child, and the district has a mediation program, the court must set the unresolved custody and visitation issues for mediation before or at the same time as it sets the case for hearing. That covers first-time claims and motions to modify an existing order. The only exit is a waiver granted by a judge for good cause. The program is a creature of statute. G.S. 7A-494 directs the Administrative Office of the Courts (AOC) to establish a Custody and Visitation Mediation Program with uniform services statewide. It was phased in beginning July 1, 1989. G.S. 7A-495 has the AOC carry out the program with each Chief District Court Judge and appoint an advisory committee. The five goals written into the statuteSubsection (b) also says what mediation is for. In plain terms, the goals are to:
The legislature returned to the theme in 2015 with a statement of state policy, G.S. 50-13.01, which encourages focused, good-faith, child-centered parenting agreements and the active participation of both parents. The appellate courts treat the mediation step as law, not courtesy. Case law Chillari v. Chillari159 N.C. App. 670, 583 S.E.2d 367 (N.C. Ct. App. 2003)Facts. After an interstate dispute over an infant, North Carolina kept the case and the Chief District Court Judge ordered custody mediation. Two days later, at what the parties understood to be a temporary hearing, a different judge awarded the mother permanent sole custody. Mediation had been neither held nor waived. Holding. Order vacated. The statute has courts look first to the parents, through mediation. Mediation is mandatory unless a judge waives it for good cause on a motion; waiver does not happen by silence. Why it matters. It is the leading appellate statement that court custody mediation is a required step, not a formality. How court-ordered custody mediation works, step by stepThe N.C. Judicial Branch describes two required events: an orientation class and one mediation session. The AOC’s Uniform Rules fill in the details, and districts add local rules.
$0
cost of the court program
2 hours
maximum session length
3
sessions at most
30 days
usual window from referral to orientation
Who attends, and why attorneys are not in the roomThe parents attend, along with anyone else making a legal claim for custody, such as a grandparent who is a party to the case. According to the Judicial Branch’s custody mediation help page, attorneys do not attend sessions in the court program. The session is a conversation between the people who will raise the child. You are free to consult a lawyer before the session and before you sign anything. What it costs, and what can be discussedThe courts provide custody mediation free of charge. The program is limited to custody and visitation: where the child lives, the schedule, holidays and decision-making. Alimony, child support and other economic issues may not be referred to it. They travel on a separate track, the Family Financial Settlement program under G.S. 7A-38.4A, or can be handled together with custody in private mediation. The Parenting Agreement and how it becomes a court orderUnder G.S. 50-13.1(g), an agreement reached in mediation is put in writing, signed by each party and submitted to the court as soon as practicable. Unless the judge finds good reason not to, the agreement is incorporated into a court order. The AOC publishes forms for full, partial and temporary agreements (AOC-CV-631, 635 and 657). Under subsection (h), an agreement incorporated in an order is a custody order, whatever its title. Once the judge signs, the parents cannot change the Parenting Agreement without further court action. That is why the review period matters. Read the draft slowly. If you do not reach agreementThe mediator tells the court only that the issues were not resolved, not why or who proposed what (G.S. 50-13.1(g); Uniform Rules sec. 12.06). The case then moves to a hearing, where a district court judge decides custody without a jury (G.S. 50-13.5(h)). A partial agreement is also possible. Who the court mediators areCourt custody mediators are human-relations professionals, not judges, and they need not be lawyers. G.S. 7A-494(c) requires at least a master’s degree in psychology, social work, family counseling or a comparable field; at least 40 hours of mediation training from an AOC-approved instructor; and training and experience in child development, family dynamics or similar areas. The mediator stays balanced and non-judgmental and does not make decisions for the parents. Can you skip court mediation? Waiver for good cause, and safety in domestic violence casesMediation is the default, not an absolute. G.S. 50-13.1(c) lets a judge waive the mandatory setting for good cause, on a party’s motion or on the court’s own motion. The statute gives examples and says the list is not exclusive. Note two of them. An agreement to use private mediation is itself a listed ground, subject to the court’s approval. And the distance ground asks whether a party lives more than fifty miles from the court. How to ask for a waiverThe statewide form is AOC-CV-632, Motion and Order to Waive Custody Mediation. Some districts use their own forms and deadlines (Mecklenburg’s are described below). A waiver is a decision a judge makes; as Chillari shows, it does not happen by default. Separately, subsection (d) lets either party ask to have the mediation dismissed and the case heard in court because of the mediator’s bias, undue familiarity with a party, or another prejudicial ground. Domestic violence and safetyMediation assumes two people who can speak freely. Where there has been violence or coercion, that may not hold, and the system has safeguards.
If you do not feel safe negotiating with the other parent, say so to court staff, the mediator or your attorney before the session. Raising a safety concern is not a failure to cooperate. See mediation in domestic violence and high-conflict cases. Is custody mediation confidential? The privilege and its limitsYes, and in the court program the protection is strong. Two subsections of G.S. 50-13.1 do the work. Subsection (e): private and privilegedMediation proceedings are held in private and are confidential. Verbal and written communications from either party to the mediator, or between the parties in the mediator’s presence, are absolutely privileged and inadmissible in court. Subsection (f): no one testifiesNeither the mediator nor any party or other person involved in the sessions is competent to testify about communications made during or in furtherance of mediation. The exceptionsThere is no privilege for communications made in furtherance of a crime or fraud. The statute gives no one immunity from prosecution, and it does not excuse anyone from the duty to report child abuse or neglect. Subsection (e) also allows the mediator to assess the child’s needs and interests and, when the mediator thinks it appropriate, to interview the child or others who are not parties. Confidentiality is what makes it safe to think out loud. A parent can float an idea, such as trying alternating weeks over the summer, without hearing it quoted back at a hearing as a concession. Note the limit, though. This privilege is written for proceedings under the statute, which means the court program. Private mediation is protected in a different way, explained below. What the program numbers showThe N.C. Judicial Branch reports the program’s activity each fiscal year in its annual report. The four most recent reports are steady: each year about 18,000 people attend orientation, roughly 8,600 to 9,100 custody cases are mediated, and about 4,000 Parenting Agreements are drafted.
Two cautions. First, the Judicial Branch does not publish an official agreement rate. The last column is our own arithmetic: Parenting Agreements drafted divided by cases mediated, or roughly 45 to 50 agreements for every 100 cases. It may understate how many families settle, because it misses partial agreements and cases settled afterward. Second, fiscal years 2019-20 and 2020-21 are left out: in our reading, those two reports showed identical program figures, so we rely on neither. Does mediation help families in the long run?North Carolina does not publish long-term outcome data. The best-known study, by Robert Emery and colleagues (2001), randomly assigned families with contested custody petitions in one Virginia court to mediation or to continued litigation and followed up twelve years later. According to a published summary, 30% of nonresidential parents in the mediation group saw their children weekly or more, compared with 9% in the litigation group; 39% in the litigation group had seen their children once or not at all in the past year, compared with 15% in the mediation group. The limits are real: one court, 23 to 27 mothers or fathers in each group, sessions held in the 1980s, and not North Carolina. We also rely on summaries, not the article itself. It is evidence, not a promise about any family. Private custody mediation: how it differs and when families choose itPrivate mediation is the same idea without the limits built into the court program. The parents choose the mediator, set the schedule, and decide who is in the room and what is on the agenda.
What private custody mediation costsFees are set by agreement between the parents and the mediator, so there is no single number to quote. The one published benchmark is the court-set rate for a court-appointed mediator in family financial cases: $150 per hour plus a one-time $175 administrative fee per case, paid in equal shares by the parties, according to the Dispute Resolution Commission’s 2026 brochure and form AOC-CV-824. A mediator the parties select sets the fee by agreement. Ask for fee terms in writing. Attorneys, topics, timing and virtual sessionsBecause lawyers may take part, private mediation can settle everything at once: the parenting plan, child support and property. The pieces interact; the number of overnights, for example, affects which child support worksheet applies. The format is also a matter of agreement. Form AOC-CV-824 (revised May 2023), used in family financial cases, provides for conferences in person, by remote technology or in a hybrid format if all parties agree. Mediation Solutions holds in-person sessions in Huntersville and Locust and virtual sessions for parents who live apart or travel. Confidentiality in private mediationHere precision matters. The absolute privilege in G.S. 50-13.1(e) and (f) is written for proceedings under that statute, which is the court program. We have not found authority deciding whether it reaches a purely private custody mediation, so we do not promise it. There, confidentiality rests on the written agreement to mediate, on the Supreme Court’s Standards of Professional Conduct for Mediators, and on the rules that apply to settlement negotiations. Standard 3 bars a mediator from disclosing a participant’s communications to nonparticipants, with stated exceptions such as public safety and a statute or court order. Ask your attorney how these protections apply to you. The same Standards leave the decision whether, and on what terms, to settle with the parents (Standard 5) and bar a mediator from giving legal advice (Standard 6). How a private agreement becomes enforceableA handshake in a conference room is not a custody order. Two routes give a mediated agreement legal force.
The distinction has consequences. In Peters v. Pennington, 210 N.C. App. 1 (2011), a consent order had merely acknowledged a separation agreement’s custody terms without the court adopting them, and the Court of Appeals held that no showing of changed circumstances was needed before the court decided custody. When families use private mediationBefore anyone filesParents who are separating and want a plan without a lawsuit. The result can become a separation agreement, a consent order, or both. Instead of the court programAfter a case is filed, parents may agree to mediate privately and ask the judge to waive the court program on that ground. To modify an existing planChildren grow, jobs change, a parent moves. Parents can renegotiate and submit a new consent order. See modifying custody and child support. For a shorter side-by-side, see court vs. private custody mediation. North Carolina also offers collaborative law (G.S. 50-70 to 50-79) and family law arbitration (G.S. 50-41 to 50-62). The custody law behind every parenting planA mediator does not decide who is right or predict what a judge would do. Still, every negotiation happens against the backdrop of what a court could order. This section is a summary, not legal advice. For a longer treatment from the attorney’s side, see the North Carolina child custody guide on our sister site. Best interests of the child, with no presumption between parentsG.S. 50-13.2(a) directs the court to award custody to the person who will best promote the interest and welfare of the child. The judge must consider all relevant factors, expressly including domestic violence and the safety of the child and of either party, and must make written findings. Between parents, no presumption applies as to who will better promote the child’s interest and welfare. As the Judicial Branch puts it, either parent can be awarded custody of a child of any age. Joint custody must be considered if either parent asks. Legal custody and physical custodyLegal custody is the right to make major decisions about the child. Physical custody is the right to have the child in your care. Joint legal custody means the parents decide major issues together. Case law Diehl v. Diehl177 N.C. App. 642, 630 S.E.2d 25 (N.C. Ct. App. 2006)Facts. A 2004 order gave the mother primary physical custody and joint legal custody, but also primary decision-making authority. Holding. Legal custody is the right and responsibility to make decisions with important, long-term implications for a child. A court may give particular decisions to one parent only with findings that justify it; poor communication between the parents did not support removing all of the father’s decision-making. Why it matters. Joint legal custody should mean something. If one parent is to have the final say on school or medical questions, the plan should say so specifically. Hall v. Hall, 188 N.C. App. 527 (2008), likewise reversed a split of decision-making and a parenting coordinator appointment for lack of findings. Temporary and permanent custody ordersAn order is temporary if it is entered without prejudice to either party, if it states a clear and specific time to reconvene and the interval is reasonably brief, or if it does not decide all the issues. A temporary order is revisited on best interests alone. A permanent order can be changed only on a substantial change of circumstances. And a temporary order can become permanent if nobody sets the case for hearing within a reasonable time. Case law Senner v. Senner161 N.C. App. 78, 587 S.E.2d 675 (N.C. Ct. App. 2003)Facts. The father moved to Texas with the children in late 1999, and orders entered in early 2000 without prejudice gave him primary custody. Twenty months later the mother sought custody and was awarded it on a best-interest analysis. Holding. Affirmed. Whether a temporary order has become permanent through delay is decided case by case. Twenty months was reasonable here because the parties had been negotiating. Why it matters. A temporary arrangement is not settled law. How long it sits, and why, matters. Compare LaValley v. LaValley, 151 N.C. App. 290 (2002): twenty-three months was not reasonable, so the temporary order had become permanent. Changing an order: the modification standardG.S. 50-13.7(a) allows a custody order to be modified or vacated at any time on a motion and a showing of changed circumstances. The courts have turned that into two steps. Case law Shipman v. Shipman357 N.C. 471, 586 S.E.2d 250 (N.C. 2003)Facts. A 1999 consent order gave the parents joint custody, with primary physical custody to the mother. In 2001 the father moved for custody, alleging changes in her living situation and denial of his visitation. The trial court gave him primary custody. Holding. Affirmed. First, has there been a substantial change of circumstances affecting the child’s welfare? Second, is modification in the child’s best interests? The evidence must connect the change to the child’s welfare. Why it matters. This is the test a judge applies to change any custody order, including a mediated Parenting Agreement. Case law Pulliam v. Smith348 N.C. 616, 501 S.E.2d 898 (N.C. 1998)Facts. After a 1991 divorce the father had physical custody of two sons. After a change in his household in 1994, the mother sought to modify custody. The trial court changed custody, and the Court of Appeals reversed. Holding. Trial court’s order reinstated. A parent seeking modification need not show that the change adversely affects the child; courts weigh beneficial changes as well as harmful ones. Why it matters. We cite it only for the legal standard: a positive change can support modification. Shipman later stressed that effects on the child must be shown by evidence, not assumed. Case law Durbin v. Durbin388 N.C. 55 (N.C. 2025) (No. 78A24, filed Aug. 22, 2025)Facts. Parents shared joint custody of two sons under a 2017 consent order. After a parenting coordinator was appointed in 2020, the father refused to follow directives about the children’s asthma medication and therapy. In 2022 the trial court gave the mother primary physical custody and final decision-making; the Court of Appeals reversed. Holding. Trial court’s order reinstated. Escalating conflict and unwillingness to communicate reasonably about the children’s health can be a substantial change when the pattern risks injury to the child. Why it matters. A consent order is not frozen. Conduct after signing can change custody time and decision-making. Citation note: the reporter citation is the one the Court of Appeals used when it cited this decision in 2026. Case law Woncik v. Woncik82 N.C. App. 244, 346 S.E.2d 277 (N.C. Ct. App. 1986)Facts. A consent order made the mother the custodial parent. After she remarried, she and her husband interfered with the father’s visitation and belittled him to the child. The trial court modified custody. Holding. Affirmed. Custody is not a tool for punishing an uncooperative parent, and interference alone normally calls for contempt. But interference pervasive enough to harm the child’s close relationship with the other parent can be a substantial change. Why it matters. Ordinary non-compliance is a contempt matter. Persistent undermining of the child’s relationship with the other parent can change custody. Case law Hibshman v. Hibshman212 N.C. App. 113, 710 S.E.2d 438 (N.C. Ct. App. 2011)Facts. A 2008 consent custody order said the court could revisit custody without a showing of changed circumstances if the mother moved out of a particular school district. She lost her job and moved to South Carolina, and the trial court changed custody without applying the usual test. Holding. Reversed. There is no exception to the requirement that changed circumstances be shown before a custody order is modified. The requirement protects the child, and parents cannot waive it. Why it matters. A clause that flips custody automatically if something happens is not self-executing. The lesson: an agreement you sign today sets the baseline. Parents can always agree on a new consent order. If they cannot, the parent who wants a change carries the burden. RelocationNorth Carolina has no relocation statute. A proposed move is analyzed under modification law: a substantial change affecting the child, then best interests. G.S. 50-13.2(c) lets an order allow the child to be taken out of state and lets the court require a bond. Case law Ramirez-Barker v. Barker107 N.C. App. 71, 418 S.E.2d 675 (N.C. Ct. App. 1992)Facts. The mother had sole custody under a 1988 order and sought to move to California to be near family. The trial court ordered that custody shift to the father during school years if she moved. Holding. Affirmed. Courts weigh the advantages of the move for the child, the relocating parent’s motives, the likelihood of compliance with visitation orders, the integrity of the other parent’s reasons for resisting, and whether a realistic schedule can preserve that parent’s relationship with the child. (Pulliam later rejected the opinion’s requirement of an adverse effect.) Why it matters. These five factors are a natural agenda for negotiating a move. Case law Evans v. Evans138 N.C. App. 135, 530 S.E.2d 576 (N.C. Ct. App. 2000)Facts. The mother had primary custody of a son born in 1991. She remarried and planned to move to Maryland, and the trial court ordered that custody would shift to the father if she did. Holding. Reversed and remanded. Remarriage and relocation alone do not justify modification. The court must make findings about the effect on the child, not only the disruption of the other parent’s visits. Why it matters. A move is not automatically a reason to change custody, and it is not automatically allowed. Case law Parente v. TexeiraNo. COA25-481 (N.C. Ct. App. Sept. 16, 2026) (Mecklenburg County)Facts. An August 2024 Mecklenburg County order gave the mother primary custody of a child born in 2016 and the father Wednesday overnights and alternating weekends. That October she moved to modify and to relocate to Wisconsin, where her husband worked. The trial court found that exchanges had become chaotic and allowed the move. Holding. Remanded for more findings. No minimum waiting period applies before seeking modification, but the findings did not show how relocation would affect the child or address most of the Ramirez-Barker factors. Why it matters. A recent Mecklenburg relocation decision. Conflict gathers around exchanges when times and places are unclear, and a move needs child-focused reasons. Citation note: the Court of Appeals lists this as a published opinion; it has no reporter citation yet. Check for any further review before relying on it. See also relocation and long-distance parenting plans. The child’s preferenceNo age gives a child the right to choose. In court, a child may testify only if the judge finds the child understands the importance of telling the truth and has reached the age of discretion. Case law In re Custody of Peal305 N.C. 640, 290 S.E.2d 664 (N.C. 1982)Facts. A 1977 order divided two brothers between their parents. In 1980 the father sought custody of the second son, who testified he wanted to live with his brother. The trial judge moved him, and the Court of Appeals reversed. Holding. Trial judge’s order reinstated. A child of suitable age and discretion may be heard and the preference weighed, but the court is not bound by it. The child’s welfare is the polar star. Why it matters. Children get a voice, not a vote. Parents, grandparents and other third partiesBetween two parents, best interests governs. When a non-parent seeks custody, the Constitution changes the analysis. Case law Petersen v. Rogers337 N.C. 397, 445 S.E.2d 901 (N.C. 1994)Facts. After an adoption placement was voided, the would-be adoptive parents sued the biological parents for custody. The trial court found the parents fit and returned the child. Holding. Absent a finding that parents are unfit or have neglected their child’s welfare, their constitutionally protected, paramount right to custody prevails over non-parents. Why it matters. Against a grandparent or other third party, a fit parent starts with a constitutional advantage. Best interests alone is not the test. Case law Price v. Howard346 N.C. 68, 484 S.E.2d 528 (N.C. 1997)Facts. The mother told the plaintiff he was the child’s father, and he raised the child, who stayed mostly with him after the couple separated. Blood tests later showed he was not the biological father, and the lower courts awarded custody to the mother. Holding. Reversed and remanded. A parent’s protected status can be lost through conduct inconsistent with that status, not only through unfitness or neglect. Then the best-interest test applies even against a non-parent. Why it matters. Handing a parental role to someone else for a long time can change the legal footing. The bar is high. In Owenby v. Young, 357 N.C. 142 (2003), a grandmother sought custody from a father after the mother died, pointing to his two DWI convictions. She had to prove by clear and convincing evidence that he was unfit or had acted inconsistently with his protected status, and his record did not meet that bar. Grandparent visitation is narrower still. Wellons v. White, 229 N.C. App. 164 (2013), identifies four statutory routes and allowed grandparents who intervened during the parents’ custody dispute to proceed. Under McIntyre v. McIntyre, 341 N.C. 629 (1995), grandparents cannot sue for visitation when the family is intact and no custody case is pending. Denying visitation, and enforcing an orderBefore denying a parent reasonable visitation, a court must make a written finding that the parent is an unfit person to visit the child or that visitation is not in the child’s best interest (G.S. 50-13.5(i)). Case law Routten v. Routten374 N.C. 571, 843 S.E.2d 154 (N.C. 2020)Facts. After the mother did not provide a court-ordered neuropsychological evaluation to the father’s counsel, a 2017 order gave the father sole custody of two children and denied her visitation except as he allowed. The Court of Appeals vacated, reasoning that a finding of unfitness was required. Holding. Reversed. Between two parents, a court may deny visitation on a written finding that visitation is not in the child’s best interest, without finding the parent unfit. Why it matters. A judge has the power to order no visitation at all. In mediation, the outcome stays in the parents’ hands. Custody orders are enforced through civil and criminal contempt, and the court also has injunctive power (G.S. 50-13.3). Domestic violence in custody decisionsIf the court finds that domestic violence has occurred, it must enter orders that best protect the children and the parent who were victims (G.S. 50-13.2(b)). A Chapter 50B protective order can include temporary custody for a fixed period of up to one year, with tools such as protected exchanges and supervised visitation (G.S. 50B-3(a1)). Which state decides: the home-state ruleUnder the Uniform Child-Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA), a child’s home state is the state where the child lived with a parent for at least six consecutive months immediately before the case was filed (G.S. 50A-102(7)). North Carolina can make an initial custody decision if it is the home state when the case is filed, or was within the previous six months and a parent still lives here (G.S. 50A-201). Military families and deploymentThe old deployment statute, G.S. 50-13.7A, was repealed in 2013 and replaced by the Uniform Deployed Parents Custody and Visitation Act (G.S. 50A-350 and following). As we read the Act, parents may sign a written temporary agreement on custodial responsibility during a deployment, and no permanent custody order is entered in the deploying parent’s absence without consent. G.S. 50-13.2(f) adds that deployment may not be the only basis for a custody decision. Confirm the details with an attorney. New in 2025: the Uniform Child Abduction Prevention ActEffective October 1, 2025, North Carolina adopted the Uniform Child Abduction Prevention Act (G.S. 50A-411 and following), as the UNC School of Government’s legislative summary explains. In a custody proceeding, a court may order abduction-prevention measures, such as travel restrictions and passport requirements, when there is a credible risk of abduction. Parenting coordinatorsFor high-conflict cases, G.S. 50-90 to 50-100 allow the court to appoint a parenting coordinator on or after entry of a custody order. Parents can consent. Without consent, the judge must find that the case is high-conflict, that the appointment is in the child’s best interests and that the parties can pay. A coordinator resolves day-to-day issues the order does not address, such as transition times and holiday sharing. Unlike mediation, communications with a parenting coordinator are not confidential (G.S. 50-96). Parenting schedules, overnight counts and child supportBelow are common schedules drawn as two-week calendars. Each square is one overnight.
Every-other-weekend patterns keep one home as the school-week base. A third weekend night, or a weekly overnight, changes the annual count more than many parents expect. Counting the overnights
These counts are simple arithmetic, not figures from a statute or a study. Holiday and summer time often decides which side of a threshold a plan falls on, so count your own plan night by night. Why 123 nights matters for child supportThe court program does not mediate child support, but the schedule feeds the support calculation. Under the N.C. Child Support Guidelines effective January 1, 2023:
123 nights is 33.7% of the year, and 243 is its complement (365 minus 122). Phone and video contact do not count as nights: G.S. 50-13.2(e) says electronic communication may supplement visitation but never replaces it and does not affect the support calculation. A 2026 caution about the GuidelinesThe Guidelines are on a four-year review cycle, and the Conference of Chief District Court Judges gave notice of a public hearing for June 4, 2026. As of October 1, 2026, the version posted on nccourts.gov is still the 2023 Guidelines, and we could not confirm whether revised Guidelines have been adopted or when they would take effect. Check the current worksheets before relying on the 123-night figure. A word from the mediator’s chair: a schedule built only to land on one side of 123 nights rarely fits a child’s life. Start with the child’s week. Then count. What a complete parenting plan coversThe Uniform Rules describe the Parenting Agreement as a detailed written plan covering the custody designation, schedules, holidays, special events and relationships with others. A thorough plan works through twenty topics. Not every family needs every one.
Holiday and summer rotation: an exampleThe table illustrates how a rotation is often written. It is not a legal standard; your family’s traditions and school calendar should drive the details.
Give exact start and end times, and name the school calendar you are using. More examples: holiday and summer parenting schedules. Exchanges and communicationExchanges. Write down who drives, where and when. Parente is a reminder of what happens when exchanges are left loose. Communication. Choose a method, a response time for routine messages, and a rule for emergencies. Absent an order to the contrary, each parent has equal access to the child’s health, education and other records (G.S. 50-13.2(b)). Travel, passports, relocation notice and future disputesTravel clauses cover notice, itineraries, international trips and who holds the child’s passport. Relocation clauses set a notice period before a move, a distance that triggers the clause, and an agreement to mediate before anyone files. Remember Hibshman: a clause that switches custody automatically when a parent moves is not enforceable as written. A clause that requires notice and a return to mediation is the workable version. Most plans also benefit from a sentence about what happens when the plan stops working: a return to mediation before filing, which the Uniform Rules encourage; a parenting coordinator by consent (G.S. 50-91); or arbitration by written agreement (G.S. 50-42). How to prepare for custody mediationBefore the session
What to bringBring the court notice and any existing orders; a calendar for the next 12 to 18 months with school, work and holiday dates; your child’s activity schedules; your draft schedules; contact details for schools, doctors and childcare; and a list of questions. You do not need exhibits or witnesses; mediation is not a hearing. Child-focused communication, and mistakes to avoidHabits that help
Mistakes to avoid
When mediation is not appropriateThe statutory waiver grounds are the guide. An emergency, meaning a substantial risk of bodily injury, sexual abuse or abduction, calls for a motion for emergency custody. Active protective orders, pending criminal charges and no-contact orders lead court staff to recommend waiver. And some cases need a judge’s decision: in Respess v. Respess, 232 N.C. App. 611 (2014), the Court of Appeals affirmed an order denying a father all visitation with his two younger children after he pleaded guilty to indecent liberties with his oldest daughter. Custody mediation in Mecklenburg County, Lake Norman and Stanly CountyThe statute is statewide; the logistics are local. Which program you attend depends on the county where the case is filed. Mecklenburg County (26th Judicial District)Huntersville, Cornelius, Charlotte and most of Davidson are in Mecklenburg County. The district’s Local Rules of Domestic Court, effective January 1, 2026, provide, as we read them:
The local rules also set time goals for custody cases (Rule 16.1). They are targets, not guarantees. We summarized these rule numbers, form numbers and day counts from the rules file dated December 19, 2025. Local rules change. Confirm the current version with the Family Court Administrator’s office or your attorney before relying on a deadline. Neighboring countiesDistrict numbers have changed, and many local rule documents still carry the old ones. The table lists the current number from G.S. 7A-133 first.
Mediation Solutions in Huntersville and LocustMediation Solutions offers private custody and family financial mediation at 9620 Sherrill Estates Road in Huntersville, close to Cornelius, Davidson, Mooresville, Lake Norman and north Charlotte, and at 217 W. Main Street in Locust for families in Stanly, Cabarrus and Union counties. Chris Adkins also practices family law at Adkins Law, PLLC in Huntersville. When he serves as a mediator he acts only as a neutral and does not represent or advise either parent. Frequently asked questionsIs custody mediation required in North Carolina?Generally, yes. In a contested custody or visitation case, G.S. 50-13.1(b) directs the court to set the dispute for mediation before or along with a hearing, unless a judge waives it for good cause (Chillari v. Chillari, 2003). How much does court custody mediation cost?Nothing. The courts provide custody mediation free of charge. Private mediation is paid for by the parents at a fee agreed with the mediator. Can my lawyer come with me to custody mediation?Not to sessions in the court program. You may consult a lawyer beforehand and have your attorney review a draft Parenting Agreement before you sign. In private mediation, lawyers may take part. What gets decided in custody mediation?In the court program, only custody and visitation. Child support, alimony and other economic issues may not be referred to that program. Private mediation can cover custody, support and property together. Is what I say in custody mediation confidential?In the court program, yes. Under G.S. 50-13.1(e) and (f), mediation communications are privileged and inadmissible, and neither the mediator nor the parties may testify about them. Exceptions cover communications in furtherance of a crime or fraud and the duty to report child abuse or neglect. If there is no agreement, the mediator reports only that fact. Can I get out of court custody mediation?A judge can waive it for good cause. The statute’s examples are undue hardship, an agreement to mediate privately, allegations of child abuse or neglect, alcoholism or drug abuse, domestic violence, severe psychological or emotional problems, and living more than fifty miles from the court. The statewide form is AOC-CV-632. What is orientation, and how long does mediation take?Orientation is a group class that explains the process, usually scheduled within 30 days after the case is sent to the Custody Mediation Program. A mediation session lasts up to two hours, and the Uniform Rules allow no more than three sessions. What is a Parenting Agreement, and is it binding?It is the written agreement the court mediator drafts when parents agree. After both parents sign and a judge approves it, it is a court order with the same effect as any custody order, and it cannot be changed without further court action. What happens if we do not agree in mediation?The case goes back on the court’s calendar and a district court judge decides custody after a hearing. There is no jury. Can we change the agreement later?Yes, in two ways: by a new written agreement that the court approves, or by a motion showing a substantial change of circumstances affecting the child, followed by a best-interest decision (Shipman v. Shipman, 2003). Parents cannot waive that requirement in advance (Hibshman v. Hibshman, 2011). Does the mother have an advantage in a North Carolina custody case?No. G.S. 50-13.2(a) says that between parents no presumption applies as to who will better promote the child’s interest and welfare. Either parent can be awarded custody of a child of any age. Can my child decide where to live?No set age gives a child the choice. A judge may hear and weigh the wishes of a child of suitable age and discretion but is not bound by them (In re Peal, 1982). How do overnights affect child support?Under the 2023 N.C. Child Support Guidelines, if the child lives with each parent at least 123 nights a year and each parent pays the child’s expenses during that time, support is calculated on Worksheet B (shared custody). The Guidelines were under review in 2026, so check the current version. What if there has been domestic violence?Tell the court. Allegations of domestic violence are a ground to waive mediation, the program screens cases for safety, and a judge must consider domestic violence in any custody decision. Ready to work out a parenting plan?Mediation Solutions helps parents in Huntersville, Lake Norman, Charlotte, Mecklenburg County, Locust and Stanly County build detailed, child-focused parenting plans in private mediation, in person or online. Call or text to ask about scheduling. Both parents hear the same explanation of the process. Offices: 9620 Sherrill Estates Road, Huntersville, NC 28078 and 217 W. Main Street, Locust, NC 28097. Virtual sessions available. Sources
About the mediator: Christopher AdkinsChris Adkins (Charles Christopher Adkins) is an attorney and a mediator certified by the North Carolina Dispute Resolution Commission. He is the founder of Mediation Solutions and of Adkins Law, PLLC in Huntersville, with offices in Huntersville and Locust. Read his mediator profile. This article provides general information about mediation in North Carolina. It is not legal advice, and reading it does not create an attorney–client relationship. As a mediator, Christopher Adkins serves as a neutral and does not represent or advise either party. Statutes and court rules change, so consult a licensed attorney about your specific situation. Last reviewed October 1, 2026.
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