Court Custody Mediation vs Private Custody Mediation in North Carolina: Which Do You Need?

North Carolina gives parents two ways to mediate custody. One is free and narrow. The other costs money and settles everything at once. Choosing well saves months.

In this guide

1. Two programs, two different things
2. Which one fits your case
3. Waiver
4. What is said in either program
5. Turning agreement into order
6. Serving the region

Two programs, two very different things

North Carolina runs a custody mediation program through the district courts. When a custody complaint is filed, the case is ordinarily referred to that program automatically. It is provided at no cost to the parties, it begins with an orientation session, and the mediation itself is typically scheduled for a set block of time with court staff mediators. Attorneys do not participate in the session, and the subject matter is limited to custody and visitation.

Private mediation is different in every one of those respects. You choose the mediator, you choose the date, attorneys can attend, there is no time cap other than the one you agree to, and the session can cover everything at once: the parenting schedule, child support, property, alimony, and the language of the final agreement.

Both programs produce a parenting agreement that can be entered as a court order. They differ in scope, timing and cost.

Which one fits your case

For a straightforward custody disagreement between two parents who are otherwise communicating, the court program is a genuinely good option and it is free. Many families in Mecklenburg, Stanly, and Cabarrus counties resolve their parenting schedule there and never need anything more.

Private mediation earns its fee in specific situations:

• There is more than custody on the table. If property, alimony, and support all need to move at once, doing them in one private session is faster and cheaper than three separate tracks.
• You want your attorney in the room. Counsel can advise in real time and draft final language the same day.
• The case needs more time. Complex schedules, relocation, special needs, or a business interest take longer than a capped session.
• Scheduling is urgent. A private date can usually be set within weeks.
• No case has been filed. The court program requires a pending case. Private mediation does not, which is how many families avoid filing at all.

Parties in a filed case can also agree to use a private mediator in place of the court program, with the approval of the court.

Waiver

A party can ask the court to waive the custody mediation program for good cause. Recognized grounds include alleged domestic violence between the parties, alleged abuse or neglect of the child, alleged severe psychological or emotional abuse, substance abuse, and practical grounds such as a party residing more than fifty miles from the court. Parties who have agreed to use a private mediator may also seek approval to proceed that way instead.

What is said in either program

Communications in custody mediation are privileged and are not admissible in the case, with narrow exceptions such as reports of child abuse or threats of harm. The mediator does not report to the judge on who was reasonable. What comes out is either an agreement or a statement that the parties did not reach one.

Turning the agreement into an order

In the court program, a parenting agreement reached in mediation is reviewed and, if approved, entered by the judge as a custody order. In private mediation, the terms are written into a parenting agreement or consent order and submitted the same way when a case is pending. If no case has been filed, the agreement stands as a contract between the parents, and either parent can later have it made an order.

Serving the region

Private custody mediation is available to families in Huntersville, Cornelius, Davidson, Mooresville, Charlotte, Concord, Locust, Stanfield, Oakboro, and Albemarle, with sessions at the Huntersville or Locust office or online, and in South Carolina for Rock Hill, Fort Mill, Tega Cay, and York County.

Not sure which one your case needs?

Call or text and we will tell you plainly, including when the free court program is the right answer. Offices in Huntersville and Locust, North Carolina.

☎ Call (704) 231-5762Text (704) 231-5762Send a Message

Offices: 9620 Sherrill Estates Road, Huntersville, NC 28078 and 217 W. Main Street, Locust, NC 28097. Virtual sessions available.

Frequently asked questions

Is the court custody mediation program really free?

Yes. The district court program is provided at no cost to the parties in a filed custody case.

Can my attorney come to the court program session?

Generally no. Attorneys do not participate in the program session itself, though they advise before and after. In private mediation counsel may attend.

Can we use a private mediator instead of the program?

Parties who agree to use a private mediator may seek the approval of the court to proceed that way.

Can child support be settled in the court custody program?

No. That program is limited to custody and visitation. Support, property and alimony are handled separately or together in private mediation.

Keep reading

• Court and private custody mediation guide
• Child custody mediation
• Parenting plan checklist
• Safety, high conflict and mediation

This article provides general information about mediation in North Carolina and South Carolina. It is not legal advice, and reading it does not create an attorney–client relationship. As a mediator, Christopher Adkins serves as a neutral and does not represent or advise either party. Statutes and court rules change, so consult a licensed attorney about your specific situation.