Why Should We Mediate Our Separation and Divorce?

A divorce or separation is never easy. It hurts to know that someone you were once committed to spending the rest of your life with may not actually be what you want in your life anymore. It can be challenging to realize that the ‘together, always and forever’ belief between couples is broken.

Sometimes, it even gets messy with one or both sides blaming each other and at each other's throats, perhaps mourning what was. No one is thinking straight, fingers are pointed and accusations are thrown around because, let's be honest, it hurts and can make life more complicated.

It is in times like this that you need to call on a mediator. Mediation is one of the most frequently used methods of negotiating a divorce settlement. In divorce mediation, the two of you (sometimes with your attorneys present) sit down with a neutral mediator who helps you talk through and settle the issues in your divorce. The mediator doesn't make decisions for either party but helps the couple come to terms that both sides can agree on.

A mediator helps couples communicate effectively and make the necessary agreements about the children, alimony, child support and other matters. Sometimes agreements come easily; sometimes they take time and a lot of work. When agreements are hard to reach, that is when the mediator intervenes. It is the mediator’s job to keep the lines of communication open, brainstorm ideas, reality-test proposals, encourage empathy and assist the couple in their decision-making process. Mediators help keep the couple focused on the issues at hand, trying not to get them off track. When divorcing couples get off track and away from the above issues during mediation, arguing, name-calling and bad prior memories are brought up.

Mediation is often the best way to go during a separation or divorce because:

• Divorce mediation is the most child-focused of all divorce options.
• Mediation can help you get through your divorce in less time.
• Divorce mediation is the most flexible of the divorce methods, allowing you to control the pace of your divorce and the terms of your settlement.
• You and your spouse write the agreement yourselves, so it can reflect what each of you needs to move forward.
• Mediation is tailored specifically to your situation and is aimed at making agreements that suit both parties.

Rather than working against each other, you and your spouse will be working cooperatively toward an agreement that is equitable to both of you. This will preserve your ability to work together in the future as parenting partners if you have children, and reduce the residual resentment and anger that usually accompany the win-lose litigation process.

Mediation strives to protect the self-esteem and the dignity of all parties. Rather than looking back to assign blame, mediation looks to the future and enables both of you to begin your new lives in full control of the outcome. Divorce is still not easy though, even with mediation. But the more prepared you are, the more productive your mediation will be.

If you’re looking to discuss or start the mediation process, contact Mediation Solutions. We are located in Huntersville, NC, and are happy to offer complimentary mediation consultations.